Sober Toolbox 3: Drinker vs Non-Drinker

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Hello Sobertown.

One form of mindset is how we classify ourselves within the scope of our own lives, what we see ourselves as and what we associate with.

The Mindset of How We Identify Within Groups

This is one of the tools which kept the train on its tracks in my sobriety during the first days and weeks, after which it simply became engrained.

Each of us lives our lives prescribing to a number of groups and categories in life. Many of which we had little choice in becoming associated with, many of which we grew into through our environment.

For example, and I am not referring to myself in these, by the way. These are just random.

For example, I am human, I am female, I am Australian, I am a table tennis player, I am a Christian, I am a Pastafarian, I am tall, I am this, I am that, and so on you get the idea. These groups we belong to are us, and they define us.

You belong to several groups, we all belong somewhere, and our life is somewhat moulded around the groups we belong to.

Can these change? Yes, of course, they can. But they do not chop and change easily, especially when well-engrained or long-term. Most of these are also relatively simple in that you either are or are not a part of them.

When we prescribe to a group when we belong to a group, and when we classify ourselves internally as belonging somewhere, this then becomes us, and any suggestion otherwise is incongruent with our beliefs, it does not compute.

Beliefs and Behaviors

Prescribing to a group is one way to look at this, another is belief. Belief is an attitude that something is the case. It is an attitude about a topic that is either true or false, nothing in-between. Our behaviour stems from our beliefs, and our beliefs allow us to progress through life with autonomy and subconscious autopilot.

There are two groups that exist in relation to our journey, and there are two different beliefs.

Drinker OR Non-Drinker

Whether we are at the height of drinking to excess or in the throes of attempts to moderate, we are drinkers. Even if we are spending days, weeks or even months abstaining, we are still drinkers until we genuinely believe and accept that we are non-drinkers.

One common thread among those of us who come to a sober life is a point of realisation that one is too many, and one hundred is not enough. We come to the realisation that moderation does not exist and should not exist. We realise we simply must quit. We then over time come to accept this.

The sober tool is this:

“I am a non-drinker.”

“I do not drink.”

This is a mantra I repeated internally on and off all day, every day, once I had decided my final drink. Begin repeating this only from the day you have decided it is time to quit.

“I am a non-drinker.”

This is a great mantra and affirmation, however, should you have your own affirmation or mantra which keeps you from sitting in the “drinker” group, then go with yours. I like “non-drinker.” I like, “I do not drink.” You may have your own. This is your journey, but whatever you choose, relate with it deeply and repeat it regularly.

“I am a non-drinker.”

When you say this to yourself, how does it feel? Does it feel Natural? Does it feel Correct?

Perhaps it feels forced and you don’t quite believe it.

Believe in Your New Sober Tool

If you are ready, and you understand that drinking is not an option for you. If you truly have spoken with yourself and understand that you are ok with and have decided to be a non-drinker, then this is a tool you should employ.

Remember, we have a clean slate as a child. Our beliefs are shaped by our experiences and our external influences. They can be changed with investment. You may have been told as a child about the tooth fairy, or Santa, or the Easter bunny or any number of objective though harmless untruths. As a child, these were your beliefs. These to you existed, they were real, and that was that.

At a certain age, you will be told one or all of these things are not real. A magical fairy does not leave you a dollar under your pillow as you sleep. Mum and dad did it all along.

Do you remember any of these realisations in your past?

I do.

The first time another kid tells you that Santa is not real, you feel conflicted. You feel confused. “Not real”? I don’t get it. You genuinely don’t understand because considering something you believed was real simply is not real does not compute, not initially anyway. Time and repetition though allow this belief to degrade until it is replaced with the truth. It was mum and dad all along, such a shame. The positive beliefs can change; you can change.

How to Shift Your Old Beliefs

If you have limiting beliefs such as “I am doomed to be a drinker”, “I am just an alcoholic,” or perhaps, “I tried to quit and failed, so I can’t quit”, then write down these limiting beliefs.

These are fixed mindset thoughts.

Write these limiting beliefs down somewhere and then scribble over these limiting beliefs you wrote down.

Now write down, “I am a non-drinker”, “I no longer drink”, “I do not need alcohol”, “I am happier, healthier and more productive without alcohol.”

Write any sequence of positive reinforcement, acknowledge it and accept it.

Next, simply return to this writing every day and restate these growth mindset beliefs in your mind regularly. These will replace the limiting beliefs and then your actions will sprout from them.

Say to yourself and mean it, “I am a non-drinker.”

Say it out loud, “I am a non-drinker”.

Write down, “I am a nondrinker”.

This is now who you are. This is black and white, hot and cold, you cannot be both.

"I am a non-drinker” and “I do not drink” should become who you are. And when you become this and you accept this, then “I am a non-drinker” should be comparable to “I am human”.

To go against this and drink should not compute at all. Drinking as a concept in your life should be as foreign as the suggestion that you are not human, you are actually a fish. But you know that you are not a fish just as you know that you are not a drinker.

Human, check. Non-drinker, check.

When thoughts come to you of drinking or offerings are given, your mind will know that no, you are a non-drinker, so that thought does not make sense. That thought is simply incongruent with who you are.

You are a non-drinker. Embrace it. It does not have to mean any more than it sounds. It does not have to reflect a duration or a deeper meaning. It is a simple self-classification of non-drinker as an automatic deflector of the concept of drinking. This may sound repetitive, and it is for good reason because the concept is simple, but it is the intent behind it and the acceptance of this as your status that holds the power.

You are Now a Non-Drinker

When a thought enters your mind to drink, slash it and realise that no, that is a stupid thought because you are a non-drinker.

When you become stressed or tired, you don’t think of drinking, you deal with it another way because you are a non-drinker.

When somebody offers you a drink, decline outwardly however you see fit because internally you know that does not compute because you are a non-drinker.

What happens if you do drink? If you relapse or have a slip, you are still a non-drinker. That does not change. That was a silly thing to do and made no sense because you are a non-drinker. And so it makes no sense that you did that, and you will continue to be a non-drinker.

Keep thinking it, keep knowing it. The pathway will consolidate in your mind, and you will be a non-drinker.

Does This Really Work?

You may be thinking, surely it is not that simple.

Yes, the concept is simple, but it could not be more complex in its application.

As with most learning, the notion of self classifying as a non-drinker is not a simple flick of a switch. Imagine that switch is sticky, like a faulty light switch. You flick it on and it kind of clicks, but it’s stuck halfway, and you can hear the electricity buzzing behind the switch as it struggles to make a firm connection and doesn’t know whether to remain on or turn off.

Retraining yourself to firmly and solidly align with being a non-drinker and to truly and deeply embrace this state might require you to call in the sparky (that’s electrician down under) to change out that light switch for a smooth new one with a clean click and perfect wiring so you can make a smooth connection. The sparky comes in the form of deep thought, repetition and true acceptance of what you must be to move forward with your life. And you must be a non-drinker, even if just for now.

When the craving comes, what do you tell the trickster in your own mind? “What are you talking about, I’m a non-drinker.”

This simple tool of self-classification is highly effective, but you must be ready, you must believe it and you must reinforce it and use it in conjunction with your other tools.

Thank you for reading Sobertown.

The Sobertown Blog articles and recordings are created as a means of assisting others in achieving and maintaining freedom from alcohol. Experiences, entries, research and article content are that of the author/s and should be applied in a safe manner, where/when relevant, with medical oversight. This is not medical advice.