Sober Toolbox 1: Planning
This article has been recorded to audio for convenience. All Podcasts can be heard on: This Website (Podcast Episodes), Podbean, Spotify, Apple Podcast, Amazon Music Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Google Chrome, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and more.
Photo Credit: Kelly Sikkema @kellysikkema
Hello Sobertown,
One tough truth about the sober journey is that unfortunately there is no panacea, there is no silver bullet, no magic cure, no shortcuts. Anybody who tells you otherwise is.. Well.. Ignorant or lying. Panacea aside though, there certainly are techniques and approaches which suit some people to a tee and others not so much. To dismiss strategies and approaches to sobriety is a mistake and on the same token, to suggest any single approach as being the only viable and successful method is also a mistake. My advice? Be broad in your research, invest in the process, learn from that which proved ineffective or did not suit you and advance yourself until you reach your goals. Planning. Planning regardless of your sober methods, is vital.
Sober Tools - Sobriety Planning
Fail to plan and you may be planning to fail.
Remember the 6 P’s: Prior preparation prevents piss poor performance.
Please heed these words very carefully. YOU NEED TO PLAN YOUR SOBRIETY.
YOU NEED TO PLAN IN-DEPTH and in DETAIL and you need to have an ability to ADAPT as you progress and learn what does and does not work, what triggers you, what helps you, who helps you, who does not help you and everything in between.
Leading a sober life, especially to begin with is comparable to a tug-of-war where there can be only one winner, there is no draw it will be you and an alcohol free life, or it will be alcohol. No draw, one or the other. The tug of war does not end, but what does end up happening is that if the planning is well thought out and the delivery is on point, the tug of war starts as a tough match up and over time your might over the opponent grows until the point at which you are holding your end of the rope with two fingers, barely paying attention to your opponent, alcohol and its draw tugging on the other end, eventually you will barely notice you have an opponent but be warned, it will always be there and so the tug of war goes on for good, you can not put the rope down ever, but that’s ok because it get’s exponentially easier to win the war as the clock ticks and the work is done.
This tug of war is like this, you head the team at one end of the rope, you are on the side of team sober life, team alcohol free. On your team, to begin with, is generally NOBODY! Just you or if not, the team is usually small. Sorry, usually this is the case at least to begin with.
On the other end of the rope is team alcohol, team drinker! On the other end is the Terminator (alcohol) backed up by the incredible Hulk (Marketing), behind these two strapped in is a Brontosaurus (Social norms) and then behind the huge dinosaur is a giant tractor (Your Own Mindset and Habits) pumping out plumes of diesel smoke, revved up and ready to haul. What chance do you have going in alone and unprepared?
You are in this tug of warfighting against these super strong opponents who represent some or all of the following.
Marketing and Advertising
Social and Peer pressure
Anxiety and Depression
Your brain and its well-engrained neurological habit circuitry
The general “fuck it’s” associated with life
Your Partner?
Your Friends?
Work Stress
Life Stress
You name it, it works against you, to begin with, it sucks but it is what it is.
You see, you don’t win this battle long term simply through chance, this is not a fair fight. You enter this ring as an untrained child attempting to knock out Floyd Mayweather. You can win, but you need allies and training to grow in strength and size and take on this fight, you need planning and you need the proper tools to transition to fortify your mind from a lightweight to a super heavyweight sober champion and this is generally not something that you just happen to achieve by chance and the statistics back this up.
Your likelihood of success in giving up and sustaining this will be far greater having PLANNED, PREPARED, DISCUSSED, ALTERED MINDSET and SET EVERYTHING NECESSARY IN MOTION to be successful and all of this is best prior to beginning the alcohol-free journey. So to believe you should drop the habit at the beginning of the learning process and that it should be successful is a long shot.
To demonstrate my point. Picture yourself strolling into the airport you go to check in and walk up to the desk. You say to the staff member named Jill “Bali, I want to go to Bali”. Okayyyyy says Jill, ummmm, do you have a ticket? Naaaaa, just thought I would get one now. “Well, ok, let me see” says Jill. “How long would you like to go to Bali for?”. I dunno? 2 weeks I guess. “2 weeks ok, well you are very lucky, we have a few seats free so I can get you on this flight, but it will cost you first class”. Shit, ok ill take it you say. Wow, lucky you, you failed to plan and you got luck enough to get a ticket out today on the flight. You go to the gate, you did not have anything but a backpack with a few bits and pieces in it. You board, you make it to Bali. What now? You get off and the heat hits you like somebody has a hair dryer in your face, you came wearing thick long sleeved clothing, holy crap it’s hot. You don’t even have cooler clothes, you walk to the airport and see a man selling singlet’s, you have no cash, you did not exchange any rupiah so you give that a miss and keep sweating it up in your jumper. You reach the gate and you see John, the official, John says “Passport please”, luckily you did bring this only out of chance you threw it in the bag, but you look so terrible and the sweat is dripping off of you so the nearby police come over and ask you to come with them, fair enough, even you think you probably look dodgy at the moment. Then you realise “Oh no! I have that joint in my pocket from last night”. You forgot to remove it before you went to the airport. The police search you, they find the joint. You can imagine the rest of this scenario, prior planning was not performed and the outcome was poor.
A two-week holiday is a minor event in the scale of your whole life. Yet, minor or not, would you go into it preparing and planning as little as the person in the story above? No chance, you would meticulously plan flights, transfers, money, accommodation, clothing and EVERYTHING else. You would dedicate time to its preparation to ensure it runs smoothly. This is a two week holiday, a minor event in ones life and you would plan it with effort and energy.
Picture yourself bowling up to the car sale yard, you know you need a new car but you did not really spend any time figuring out what you should buy, you have ten thousand bucks to spend. You walk in and the salesman spots you a mile off, the salesman, Basil, walks over to you “Hello my friend how can I help you today” he says licking his lips. Well, Basil, I need a car. “You came to the right place, yes indeed” says Basil looking somewhat rat-like in his movements. Ok, great, what do you have for me, Basil? I have 10k to spend. “Well follow me”, Basil leads you to a big car. Looks kind of big for what I need Basil. “No on the contrary the bigger the better”. Fair enough. “Umm, is it reliable?” “Yes” says Basil, “the most reliable you will ever find in that price range”. Well, ok, if you say it’s what I need I will take it! “Excellent”. Basil ties up the deal and off you go. You drive for a few weeks and realise a few things, the car burns a huge amount of fuel, it has a smell you can’t get rid of, it is far bigger than you needed, it just is not the right fit for you and that is all before the drive belt snaps and leaves you on the side of the road broken down. Prior preparation was not adequate in this scenario either.
When you look at purchasing a new car, an old car or any item worth a reasonable amount of money, you do research. You observe prices, you read reviews, you check suitability of models and car types, you invest time and energy into ensuring you make the right purchase and choice. I mean, honestly, some of you probably invest hours into even figuring out the best type of toaster for your home. Now think of the effort you put into minuscule purchases, events and occurrences within your life such as buying an appliance, a car or planning a trip. Compare these to the size of the venture switching to an alcohol free life truly is, they pail in comparison. A toaster costs under one hundred bucks and you spend time analysing this purchase while quitting alcohol can save you upwards of $250,000 over half a lifetime even if you do not spend mammoth amounts on it, seriously, I did the math’s. Embarking on the journey to an alcohol free life deserves multitudes more investment than most ventures and this is also variable depending on personal factors and your own habits. The fact that you have taken the time to read or listen to this suggests you are likely investing in the process.
Please, believe this, you will get out what you put in.
If you do not plan this change then do not be surprised when it does not stick.
If you are serious about this journey to live a sober life, and I hope you are, then give it the planning it deserves. You are willing to give hours, days, weeks to planning a simple weekend holiday or the purchase of an item or any number of other relatively minor life events. Quitting alcohol is a monumental and profound positive change in your life and it deserves and incredible amount of focus, planning and energy. This is the change that will likely thrust you forward in your life in almost every aspect of your existence, trust me, it deserves a great deal of respect and effort and this effort 100% is worthwhile.
Early Sobriety Tips
What do I mean by this? How do you invest adequately in ensuring long-term success?
Write down a plan and write down the aspects which you may need to address to be successful, write down why you desire this change in your life, write down who you need to discuss this with, who you need to be careful around, what you need to do to change your environment, how you plan to address your mindset. Here are a list of just some of the points worth putting in motion to create a plan before making the transition.
Create Accountability
Discuss the change with your closest friends and family
Read plenty of literature from broad sources and take what you can apply, ditch what you find unhelpful but be open-minded
Listen to resources and talk with others on the same journey
Invest emotionally and physically
Seek trustworthy and supportive medical or professional help, keep searching until you find the right people
Spend time simply thinking about the process
Develop sober life tools, these sober toolbox articles are just some of the tools available in sobriety and recovery.
Join sober groups, face to face meetups or online communities to suit your life and availability
Find a sober friend or support you trust and like (If you can)
Prepare your home how you see fit (ditch the booze and paraphernalia if necessary)
Plan how you will deal with cravings and learn useable and practical techniques
Obtain non-alcoholic beverage options as a habit replacement, stock up
Replace the habit with classes, exercise or other distractions
Test where your loved ones sit with your choice and discuss this with them
Test your own readiness and your own mind
Think about everything, how you plan to tell others, how you respond to the question - why, what the plan is if you turn back to drinking and how to reset the course back to sobriety. Think of every scenario possible.
Write, journal all of this process where relevant to paper
Plan the date firmly set to a day when everything is in place
Understand your own personality and play to it’s strengths and nurture its weaknesses, we all feed on and succeed differently
Get outside your comfort zone
Move and challenge your body every day
Fortify your mind in every way you can!!!! This battle is largely fought internally!!!
This is not just a matter of deciding not to drink not even close, it is a process, it needs planning, it needs attention.
As I stated in the introduction episode, abstaining from alcohol is an active process, not passive.
Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance!
Plan it, Sobertown
We are with you.
The Sobertown Blog articles and recordings are created as a means of assisting others in achieving and maintaining freedom from alcohol. Experiences, entries, research and article content are that of the author/s and should be applied in a safe manner, where/when relevant, with medical oversight. This is not medical advice.