Sober Toolbox 15 - Give Back

Photo Credit: Tom Parsons @tomzzlee

Hello Sobertown.

When we give somebody a gift or help somebody else with no strings attached a wonderful thing happens in our brain. Physiologists have researched the experience we have after being charitable. The euphoria we experience after performing tasks which help others and after giving gifts or being charitable has been labelled the “helpers high”. When we perform a functional MRI scan of a brain while an individual is merely thinking about giving money to charity we can actually see areas of the brain light up in the same pattern as when we think about sex or tasty food. Helpers high is a very real experience, that warm feeling you experience when you do something kind is not something you imagined, it is a real measurable experience. The practice is so effective it is incorporated into several types of psychotherapy and in my humble opinion it should be included in everybody’s recovery from alcohol for a few important reasons.

It feels good,

It helps others,

The changes lead to improvements in mental state which assist in continued recovery and growth.

Win, win, win. Nobody loses in this scenario.

Being kind to people and performing charitable acts boosts dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin in our brain.

Dopamine, dopamine, dopamine, we all hear about dopamine all of the time, dopamine is a neurotransmitter, it is often thought of as the main player in pleasure BUT this is not necessarily an accurate way to portray dopamine, it could more accurately be thought of as conferring motivational salience meaning it signals the desirability or aversiveness of an outcome which propels our behavior toward or away from a certain outcome. Example, kindness leads to positive outcome leads to dopamine reinforcing this activity as positive and desirable to our brain and drives the continuation of this behavior where being kind reinforces being kind which is a wonderful direction to move in any of our lives along with the cascade of a complex of positive and rewarding neurotransmitters and hormones to go with it. This can backfire when alcohol is administered frequently confusing this system of motivational salience where alcohol causes the artificial dopamine production creating this motivational salience to return to the behavior, thanks dopamine. “Dopamine also functions as a reward prediction error signal, that is, the degree to which the value of a reward is unexpected. According to this hypothesis proposed by Montague, Dayan, and Sejnowski, rewards that are expected do not produce a second phasic dopamine response in certain dopaminergic cells, but rewards that are unexpected, or greater than expected, produce a short-lasting increase in synaptic dopamine, whereas the omission of an expected reward actually causes dopamine release to drop below its background level” (1). What this means is, you can not simply “hack” your dopamine and reward systems as easily as you might like to think you can, this means being kind purely for the reason of selfish desire for the helpers high will render the desired response less effective so as usual, there is no free ride. What I am trying to say is, do not be kind for the desired reward, be kind to be kind, be kind with no expectation, be kind and give back without the ulterior motive or drive of aspirations of riches, business or personal gain, I know this is hard but the best gift to receive is the gift of the knowledge that you helped, you have back, you were kind and you expected nothing in return and you had no background motives. We all have background motives, sometimes, we need to realise that a part of our recovery from alcohol is to simply give for the sake of giving in whichever way you are capable of.

Kind acts give a short lived but positive change in the brain, the helpers high and so rather than thinking of this as a once weekly or monthly charitable act to cause you growth and happy chemicals for a long period of time, the trick is to shift your mindset to one which enables you to be kind, give back and perform kind, charitable and helpful acts for others on a daily and regular basis, this requires kindness to become more of a baseline for your existence, reaching for kindness rather than aggression, judgment, pessimism or any of the other potential baseline go to stance’s. The beauty of this is that these acts do not require extreme effort, they don’t require large sums of money nor do they necessarily require excessive amounts of time. This is a no brainer, be kind and reap the rewards. This concept is why I feel for individuals who regularly treat others poorly, who are genuinely mean or aggressive, these people are depriving themselves of the beautiful consistent reward of kindness. This is real, give a little and your mind will give it back to you and the beauty of this concept is that the kind acts do not necessarily have to be objectively charitable necessarily, as long as you perceive the act as kind or helpful then you receive the beautiful brainy benefits, perhaps the individual you directed the kindness toward did not pick up on the attempts at kindness, that does not even matter, this is all in your head, you genuinely tried and think it was a charitable act and so to your neurotransmitters and your hormones it absolutely was and you will still feel the benefits come back to you regardless of the outcome, so all you need to do is to try to be kind, try to be helpful and charitable and that is all. This is an internal wonderful world we all live within our own mind and consciousness and we can absolutely help this world to be a tidier and more comfortable place through simple daily actions and guess what, giving up that which is poisoning you such as alcohol is a damn good place to start, being kind to others and charitable is a beautiful reinforcement of this process.

Today more than ever we can find division, we can see evidence of tribalism and of anger. We can see people being rude, people being mean, confrontation because of beliefs. I am here to tell you, you can rise above this, you can hold opinions, you can have ideas, you can have morals and religion and biases without it causing an inability to live amongst others with differing opinions happily, we always have, social media shining a light on division needs not be allowed to divide us. We can be kind, those who hurt others in turn hurt themselves.

Some examples of kind acts could be giving to the the needy in person or from afar, an obvious one. Allowing somebody in front of you in traffic, so incredibly simple but with this tiny act and a small friendly wave from both parties, boom, your brain rewards you. Giving up your seat for an older individual with a thanks and an exchanged smile, boom, brain rewards you. Brought lunch in for a co-worker who might be struggling at the moment, boom, brain rewards you. Donated to a meaningful charity, Boom. Gave your family member a hug, Boom. Told somebody you are proud of them, boom. Told your partner you love them, as in actually told them, with intent and focus and with a compliment. Boom. Smiled at somebody walking the dog and said hello instead of looking down at the ground and ignoring them, boom, reward. Return somebodies trolley for them at the supermarket, boom. You get the idea. There are a very large number of ways to activate these systems in our mind which are very unhealthy such as sugar or overeating, drugs and alcohol and so on, but this is not one of them, this a beautiful thing. The helpers high is an unusual example of a positive feedback loop created by a positive act which is unlikely to cause any harm or to take significant amounts of effort such as hard exercise might, so what’s to lose.

So maybe you’re an angry bastard sometimes, maybe, your a grumpy prick sometimes, maybe you're a rude “b” sometimes. Hey, we all can be, but it’s time to get to work on that, because it only hurts you in the long run and giving back has always been a huge part of recovery from addiction and sobriety. Don’t get me wrong, there is a time for confrontation without question but it should not be the default. Why does this help to keep you sober and thriving? Many reasons, sense of purpose, distraction, levelled hormones and neurotransmitters you used to achieve through the drug of alcohol, this allows you to stay the path.

Sobertown, remember, kindness, charitability, giving is guaranteed to pay you back. If you are stuck in a loop of negativity, try giving kindness a go, try doing nice things for people, saying nice things to people, slow down, be kind, it’s free dopamine there for the taking so stay away from alcohol and be nice to everybody and bloody well take that dopamine, because there is plenty there for all of us.

Thanks Sobertown,

REFERENCE

(1): Taken from. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dopamine on 11/11/2021: 13:24.