Priority Number One
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Photo Credit: @brett_jordan
Hello Sobertown.
This is Todd from Sobertownpodcast.com, for a huge range of resources on sobriety and living an alcohol free life visit sobertownpodcast.com.
If you are stuck at day one, stuck in the cycle of relapsing, stuck in sobriety with the thoughts constantly drawing you back toward alcohol then it may help to focus in on your priorities in life, by all means write them down but primarily these simply exist in our mind and mostly we develop them naturally and without thought. For example family will often be priority number one in our life, perhaps health will feature highly, job perhaps or fitness. We place our life’s priorities in a natural rank within our mind, this discussion centres on this ranking we have for our priorities in life.
These are just my opinions but after nearly 14 months of investing everything into this journey and observing closely thousands of others along the way I know that.
You have to give this journey towards sobriety EVERYTHING.
You have to.
You just have to.
Alcohol is an addictive psychoactive drug, it causes you to lie to yourself in your own voice.
It causes you to rationalise insane thought patterns as logical.
It causes you to create disease in your body knowingly and be ok with it.
It causes you to forget the oncoming pain it causes for a brief pleasure or release from reality.
It lies to you, it lies to you again and again and it bends your will.
Alcohol is poison, that is not a stretch, it is poison in the way it interacts with your cells.
So you have to give it EVERYTHING, that is not selfish, it’s not, when you make this your number one priority every single thing worth improving below this priority strengthens and solidifies.
You might think, I have to put my kids as priority 1.
NO.
I have to put my health as priority 1.
NO.
I have to put my job as priority 1.
NO.
Am I crazy? No because when you place staying sober at the very top of your priority list, and you keep it front of mind then this will jump the other vital aspects of your life up several notches from where they were.
Let’s think of it this way. You have 100 notches to choose from on your ladder of life priorities, 100 being the top priority right at the top. You think you have your family at notch 100 and as most important thing in your life, but you don’t if you drink at unhealthy levels, in your mind they are at the top at 100, in reality the alcohol is without you wanting it to be and it drags them down to 80,70 maybe as low as 50. So you place sobriety at place number 100, top priority, right at the top of the list and accept all other factors to be at least one notch below this, but sobriety is number 100 and top of the list then you act accordingly and you give the most important priority in your life, sobriety, the work it deserves and requires to be achieved and maintained and all of a sudden your family, who you feel bad for placing below your sobriety start to move from notch 75, up, and up, and up and up day by day as you recover from the damage you didn’t even realise alcohol addiction had caused to you. You thought you had the other priorities at notch 100, you didn’t, but when you put sobriety at 100, the vital and most wildly important aspects of your life grow, they ascend and ascend until they truly lie right there just underneath notch 100, but don’t you ever let them overtake the priority that is sobriety. Sobriety is at number 100 and right at the top and it must stay there, it must, there is not a time when this order should change. Over time the work will reduce, the cravings will reduce, your life will improve in many ways but never should sobriety be lowered from 100 to allow another priority to overtake it. When this occurs you are then open to relapse.
If you want to succeed, no matter what system you use, what program you use, what group you join, what beliefs you have then you must put quitting alcohol at priority number one in your life. If this is not something you are willing to do then you may simply need more time running the gauntlet of idealising moderation, hitting lows and suffering but those of us who can not consume at genuinely moderate levels, who can not stop once we start will eventually realise that we are ready to put sobriety at notch 100 and make it our most important priority.
Why? Why? Why?
Because you were lied to.
For much of human history we have been told following the crowd and the norm is the correct direction and to this day, though this is changing, we are told drinking is normal and required for socialising, relaxing, celebrating, commiserating, sleeping yadayadyada.
It is not.
STOP obsessing over moderating alcohol consumption, it isn’t an option. I have listened to hundreds, maybe thousands of hours of peoples stories and it just doesn’t work for us.
STOP pretending you might not be as bad as you think you are.
STOP putting off the date because an event is coming up, there will always be a reason not to quit and there will always be a reason to drink.
We drink to celebrate, we drink to commiserate, we drink because we are bored, we drink because others are drinking, we drink because because because because.
I know it is hard, it really is hard, but the pain and the discomfort is not for ever, life is fleeting, if you want to live the best life you can the only option is to live sober.
Seeing the long term effects of your actions can be difficult. We find it difficult to conceptualise the positive things we do and their effect on our body or mind
Is making sobriety your priority number one a failsafe way to ensure we quit alcohol successfully? No of course not, it is though the best way to allow for the best possible chance to succeed and to line up the rest of your life to meet the requirements of staying sober.
Yesterday I watched an Olympic boxer having lost and been knocked out of medal contention be interviewed. She was distraught, she was crying, the interviewer said she must feel great and proud to have made it to where she is and to represent her country in the Olympics. The boxer did not see it this way, in similar words she relayed that she completely believed she was going to win gold, she was the best and she was able to beat all of her opponents, this was her belief and this is not what occurred. She was not ok with second best, she clearly had placed being the best at her sport as her number one priority. She did not make it. You don’t have to be the best in the world at being sober, you just have to be sober as your number one priority, there is no almost making it, this is not a like most challenges where you can do your best or nearly make it, or have cheat days this is black and white, we stay sober or we do not. The boxer believed she was going to win gold, she did not, you will know you will be living a sober life, maybe you will falter, so what, get up, wipe yourself off and get back to training, know you are sober like she knew she was capable of gold and get back in the ring like I know she will.
Life is fleeting. We are reminded of this from time to time. Harness this and use it. Make sobriety your number one priority, you will not regret it, it will spark the beginning of a lifelong journey of growth, it might be uncomfortable at times, it might require dedication, you might long for a brief out at times and not have one but in my opinion it is the most worthwhile and profound way to shift your life toward exponential growth, true happiness, connection and motion in a positive direction.
To finish I have two quotes from Robin Williams:
Firstly regarding your fears of acceptance by making sobriety your priority number one.
Quote from Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society: “Now, we all have a great need for acceptance. But you must trust that your beliefs are unique, your own, even though others may think them odd or unpopular, even though the herd may go, "That's bad." Robert Frost said, "Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." Now, I want you to find your own walk right now. Your own way of striding, pacing. Any direction. Anything you want. Whether it's proud, whether it's silly, anything.
And to the question of when, or how to decide. No time will be just right, no time, there will always be a reason not to today, there will always be a birthday, a holiday, a celebration and a reason to drink, so just do it, do it now, make it priority one in your life, make it your wildly important goal, put it at notch 100 above all else and watch this drag everything else vital to you up the ladder toward the top with it.
Quote from Robin Williams in the movie Jack: “Please, don’t worry so much, because in the end, none of us have very long on this earth. Life is fleeting. And if your ever distressed, cast your eyes to summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day… make a wish, think of me. Make your life… spectacular”
Make your life spectacular.
One barrier is preventing us from making our lives spectacular. Alcohol.
Make removing it priority one.
You wont regret it.
Trust me, when you look back on your life in a year, two years and beyond after you quit drinking alcohol, nothing will give you more pride than the knowledge that whatever happens, you did it, you rose above and you did it sober. Nothing will be more fulfilling. There is no more time to waste, make it the most important thing in your life and action every tool to fulfil it.
Thanks Sobertown.