Sober Toolbox 11: No Mental State is Forever

Photo Credit: Gabby Orcutt @monroefiles

Hello Sobertown,

I currently sit at my kitchen table with the fireplace warming me and my brain is on fire. I chose to write this toolbox at this moment because I can currently capture a short period of my life where my mental state is heightened, confusing, variable and more unpredictable than usual and so I desire not to waste this opportunity. These conditions can not be reproduced with ease if at all.

Why? Why is this current time different for me? Multiple reasons, multiple profound and meaningful events have occurred in my life recently and are also upcoming. Myself and some of my friends have or are about to reach one year of living alcohol free. I have very nearly traversed 12 months without taking one sip of alcohol, 52 weeks without a sniff of booze. 525,600 minutes have almost passed and every one of these 525,600 minutes were devoid of the act of tipping ethanol into my body. This, is not nothing, although I downplay my achievements overall in my life, I am choosing to feel this one, this was a goal I set and it was one of the most difficult goals of my life so far. I am choosing to feel this one, I am choosing to feel it for myself and for my friends alongside me on this journey. I feel everything, I feel pride and I feel a strange depth as though an additional layer has been added to my perceivable world, like the principals governing my physical world have slightly shifted.

These feelings I currently choose to allow in are heightened and distorted by the profound experiences I have encountered as I approach one year sober mashed together, the fact that their proximity in time are so close has amplified and heightened my experience and profound is not even a strong enough word but for the lack of adequately meaningful vocabulary I will let it lie. Seven short days ago my wife and I welcomed my daughter into the world and our family grew to four. Seven short days ago my world rocked and shifted on the tectonic plates forming our tiny familial globe. Seven days ago what meant just a little to onlookers, exploded our minds and sent our neurons and hormones into a wild spasm, as any of you reading this who have experienced the same may remember.

Here I sit, at my table. My emotions are meaningless experiences within my own skull and yet they hold so much power to me personally. I have almost reached my goal, one year only days apart from the birth of my beautiful daughter, the two achievements are interacting with some form of invisible bond because I know deep down my reasons and motivation for achieving my goal of one year and beyond are directly and intimately related to becoming and being the best man I can be for these girls and woman who make up my entire world. I did not plan for these events to coincide, I could not have, this would not have been possible, the odds of succeeding in such a venture are minuscule. I can not accurately put into words the myriad of powerful emotions I feel and to try would be hackneyed so the basic explanation will have to suffice. The mish mash of pride and elation is subdued by an undertone of depression while at the same time a natural high which fluctuates by the minute or hour is present all of these feelings are driven not only by my experiences but also by the variability in my own hormone levels such as oxytocin and testosterone which even in males adjusts in those who remain very present with their family soon after the birth of their child, aside from hormone adjustments the factors influencing my internal experience are a deep fatigue with completely sporadic and overall inadequate sleep as is the norm while caring for a newborn and the devastation of a wonderfully managed timetable and routine filled with good habits being blown out of the water also by caring for a newborn. My state of mind is one acknowledging deep achievement, it is fearful and anxious of intense responsibility growing while fighting extreme fatigue and occasionally experiencing adrenaline fueled moments at the same time. My state is one of concurrent highs and lows to simplify it and boil it down.

The point, my friends, to my lengthy introduction is not that I am about to reach one year, nor that I have just welcomed my daughter into the world, the point to this sober toolbox entry is coming.

Although my current mental state is an unusual one, driven by unusually large events and achievements there would usually be one overriding emotion perceived at any one time or one overriding state of mind for you and for I.

For example: Elation, Depression, Calm and Contentment, Anxiety, Stress, Fear, Anger and all of the spectrum of experiences our consciousness is capable of perceiving.

The fact is, NO MENTAL STATE IS FOREVER, NO MENTAL STATE IS PERMANENT

No mental state is forever or permanent

Remember this. Remember this when you feel terrible, when the storm clouds have set in within your mind and you see no way through, when the fog is thick and you just don’t want to be here, remember, this is not permanent. This is not permanent. This is not forever. Ride out the storm and grit your teeth, this will not last forever, it will not last too long. Do what you can to wade through the muck but just know it wont be forever and the sun will shine though again.

Remember this. Remember when you feel on top of the world, when things are going well, when you feel the highs of life that you should live in those moments and drink them in fully because the tide will turn and the elation will peter out to give way for a steady state or perhaps another dip. Do not focus on the negative of this wonderful mental state inevitable shifting to one of lesser desire but simply acknowledge that the brilliant time will not be forever so that it can be enjoyed all the more while present. Remember what brought you there, harness it for the future.

Giving up alcohol will present to you challenging emotions, giving up alcohol will allow you to reach unusual highs too. As you ride the pink cloud you will see the beauty return to your world, as you tackle cravings and withdrawal you will fear and loathe the state of your mind.

Whatever your neuronal sequence throws at you, whatever transmitters are dumped on your synapses and whatever hormones are rushed around your cells just know that it wont be forever, it will end. No mental state is forever. No mental state is permanent.

THE TOOL IS THIS

• When you experience a craving and it is convincing you to go against your better judgement REMEMBER, no mental state is forever or permanent.

• When you are suffering and your mental state is undesirable REMEMBER, no mental state is forever or permanent.

• When you hit a high and you feel great, truly drink it in and appreciate it and REMEMBER, no mental state is forever or permanent.

That is it Sobertown. One simple reminder to you to remember that it wont last forever.

This toolbox item is as simple as this. Remember and acknowledge that no mental state is forever as a means of helping you push through the tough times. I know it might hurt, I know it can be difficult to harness logic and motivation in the tough times, believe me I know. But to always remember, no mental state is forever, is to see the light at the end of the tunnel…

To know this is to see that the craving is simply a lie and it will pass if you employ tools to battle it and do not act on its calling.

To know this is to see that the depressed mood may be for a reason, but that you won’t feel this way forever.

To know this is to bathe in the good days and heighten their beauty in the knowledge that we can not live in this state at all times so we must feel them deeply when they come around.

I continue to sit here at my table, watching my week old daughter sleep in her bassinet and I know, although I have an unusual and confusing, amazing though overwhelming cascade of feelings right now, that this as a whole, it won’t last forever, and so, I write it here, I breathe it in, and I will just let it be and see where the next 1,440 minutes take me.

Thanks for reading Sobertown.

You can get through any feeling.

You can get through any mental state.

You can be DAMN SURE you will get through it and to the other side better WITHOUT ALCOHOL.